Off the radar..

So I haven't posted in a few months and that's all down to this stupid pain that still hasn't gone away unfortunately :-(

I have had yet more tests including 2 cystoscopies - one under GA and one under local - to make matters worse after the cystoscopy under GA, which was my last procedure, I am now in double the amount of pain than I was before :-( 

The doctor has decided that I have Interstitial Cystitis, which is a chronic condition that unfortunately cannot be cured. They can attempt to treat the symptoms which they are doing at the moment but it is anyone's guess as to what will happen and when the pain may go away.. If it does! I'm hoping that I will get relief shortly as I have been in agony for too long now and I would like to get my life back! The thing is that with IC it can come back at anytime and also go away at any point. I don't like the not knowing! I just want to feel better!! 

Most people look forward to their days off from work where they don't need to set an alarm or have any routine but me.. I'm looking forward to setting an alarm, early starts, wearing my uniform and being back at work!!!! 

I am going to try blog on a daily basis now.. If nothing else, it takes my mind off things for a short while :-) 

The picture below was from one of my many visits to hospital... I woke up to a bandaged hand and thought they'd operated on my hand!!

Laura 

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Getting somewhere...

I believe I may finally be getting somewhere close to having a diagnosis. :-) it isn't at all what I had hoped for as the condition the consultant thinks I might have is a chronic condition with no cure. He thinks I may have interstitial cystitis which is a very painful condition also known as painful bladder syndrome. They can do things to treat the symptoms but from what my GP has said it is a very difficult condition to treat!!! The pain has been compared to chronic cancer pain .. Which I can imagine would feel like this!!!! I guess once I get a confirmed diagnosis it may make things easier to deal with because at least then I will know why I am in so much agony!!! I have to carry on taking morphine until I next see the consultant and then hopefully he might be able to recommend something else!!! I have been signed off work for another 3 months as my GP thinks that's how long it will take to get me to a manageable level. She did also say that with the condition, it can just go away as quick as it came and can flare up every now and again. She said that I may have a bad bout for a couple of years and then have no problems for 10 years. Then again... I might suffer for ages with no relief :-( I really hope that isn't the case and that something can be done as I really want to go back to work!!!!!!

The picture is a latest picture of me... Not feeling very well at all!! It was on one of the rare days I got myself dressed with my make up on.. I usually spend my days wearing pjs, hair tied back and no make up :-( for any one who knows me... You will know I love my makeup and it takes a lot for me to go without it!!!

Bruised...

Today I am going to have a moan about falling off my bed! Yes you heard right! I was stupidly attempting to get a book off my shelf and I lost my footing and fell onto my bedside table... Ouch! Not only have I now made my abdo pain worse, I now have a stiff,swollen and very bruised leg :-( It's my own fault really as I shouldn't have even tried getting the book from the shelf.. I should have asked someone but I hate bothering people and I think my family are getting quite sick of me not being able to do things for myself! Anyway... there going to have to do even more for me now as I can hardly move due to increased pain from my abdomen and my back... I honestly didn't think the pain could get any worse! I was proved wrong as I am in even more excruciating pain now :-( When will this end!!!

I don't know if  I have already blogged about my appts... I have received two appts through the post. One to have a CT scan and the other for a Cystoscopy... both of them are over one weekend at the end of April! Yes... a weekend. I was confused about that too!!! And to make it even more bizarre .. one of the appointments is after 5pm on the Sunday!!! I'm hoping that after these two appts I will be sorted and can go back to work.

I was doing some CPD work tonight and I have realised just how much I actually miss work :-( I cannot wait until I am well enough to go back.

I am currently trying to type with my cat sat under my arm!! Guess she didn't want me to blog today aha!

I have also realised today that I haven't linked my Twitter in any of my posts. So here goes.... If you would like to follow me (I will follow back!) go to : @LauraAtkin 

Update from the Hospital.

I forgot to say on my last post that I have now seen the Urology Doctor and it has been decided that I will have a CT scan carried out and also a Cystoscopy.
They did a special scan whilst I was there to find out if my bladder was emptying properly and it showed that it was only emptying by 76%. The Dr believes this is why I keep getting UTI's as urine is staying in my bladder for a length of time and bacteria is being produced. The Nurse also tested my urine and once again I have a bad UTI, so I'm on yet another course of antibiotics. This time very strong ones... hopefully they will clear it up, but for how long.. who knows! They think that I may have some kind of blockage, stone or narrowing of one of my tubes. Hopefully, they will be able to find the cause and treat it pretty fast. I would like to be able to go back to work some time next month... Wishful thinking I know.
I am dreading having the CT scan done as I am slightly claustrophobic. I also have to have some special dye passed through a canula in the back of my hand. I don't know if you know but when I went for my colonoscopy, it took the Dr 8 attempts to canulate me. Needless to say, I came out like a watering can :-) Every time I go for my bloods taken or anything like that, it takes them so long to get any from me! My Mum says it is because I don't like sharing haha. Anyway... I will be sure to write another post after I have had all my investigations done :-)

Update

Well... I haven't written for a while so I thought it was about time I did!
I haven't slept all night so I'm very tired and grumpy. I have an appointment with the Urology Dpt at the Hospital tomorrow so hopefully they may be able to help me and get me back to normal! God.. I cannot wait for the partying I'm going to be doing once I'm better! At first, the not going out didn't really bother me and I enjoyed the break from having a hangover most weekends but now, after nearly 8 months I would like to go out and have a good dance and a very good drink!!!! I miss my friends most of all! Due to me not knowing how I will feel from day to day, it is so difficult to know if I'm going to be up to visitors or not. Luckily I have understanding friends :-)
Since I haven't been to sleep all night, I have just cheered myself up and done a big make-up shop haha. I love buying make-up!! On the other hand, it was perhaps a bit of a waste of time at the moment as I am currently spending my days not wearing much, if at all any make-up. OHHHH WELL!
I also believe that one of my Guppies is having babies!!! Yes, Guppies are live bearers and actually give birth to the babies, I'm not going crackers ;-) The worrying thing is, we don't have enough room in the tank so goodness knows what will happen if she has loads!!! I read on the internet that they can have anywhere between 20 and 50+ babies every month!!!!
I've recently started sewing and making cushion covers to help take my mind of my pain and other problems, it is indeed quite therapeutic and does help take my mind off it for a short while. My cushion covers are even quite good, even if I do say so myself. My mum must think they are good too as she has allowed them in the lounge!!!

Looking To The Future...

So today I have been getting quite excited. My mum has booked lots of things for us to do towards the end of this year. I am hoping that by then I should have been fixed by the hospital (Lol) and living my life to its full potential again.
Anyway, she has booked for us to go see numerous shows and concerts, these including the wonderful Olly Murs and Alison Moyet. Therefore, today I have been practicing my singing so that I am on top form for when it comes to seeing them live.
We are also going to see We Will Rock You and Mrs Brown's Boys Live, which I also cannot wait for, but I don't have much practicing to do for either of those. Mind you, I could practice some Queen for We Will Rock You.
My friends have also booked to go to Butlins, which I have bitten their hands off at. We are booked to go to a 90's weekend and Chesney Hawkes is going to be there. Now, I don't really like him, nor do I know many songs, other than the classic, 'I am the one and only' but never the less, I am very excited and I just know we will have a great weekend, partying like old times.
You see, all of my friends have got boyfriends now and they don't go out as much as they do and what with me being poorly at the moment, I haven't been going out at all. Pretty sad really as before all of this happened, I was a party girl and I hope that once I am better I can continue my party antics. I have promised everyone that once I am better we are going to have the best night out anyone could ever wish for. A celebration that after a long time, I will hopefully be back to my normal self. This is of course as long as they don't find I have something really serious wrong with me.
I would like them to find something that they can treat so I finally have an answer as to why I have been in so much pain for this length of time, but on the other hand, I don't want them to find something that is really serious and is going to limit me to what I can do for the rest of my life! Like I have already said, I want to be able to live my life and enjoy every minute of it! You only get one life, so use it wisely!!!
I haven't been feeling great today and I had to cancel a visit from 2 of my best friends, I am gutted that I don't get to see my friends very much. The bad days are outweighing the good days at the moment and I don't seem to have had a good day in quite some time which is very sad. I am hoping that we can get together one day soon as we have lots of catching up to do and we need to get excited about Butlins together :-)

Lazy day

Today has been full of laziness. I have enjoyed watching films all day. I'm not usually one for enjoying lots of films but I've been in a strange mood today. Mum & Dad have gone away for the weekend so me and the brother are fending for ourselves. We have planned to go for a short walk tomorrow to get me out of this house for a bit. Hoping I will feel up to it. Also wishing for the snow... I love it when it snows.. Even just to be watching it from the warmth :-)

This picture shows my brother, enjoying a coffee at the train station a while ago.

Headache

For the past two days i have suffered with a great big headache. Nothing will ease it and it now feels as though my head is going to explode.

On a plus, I have just finished reading 'Blood, sweat & tea' - what a brilliant book. It id about the daily life of a paramedic. The author is also a blogger and the book is based around his blogs.

I will post again later as im currently on my kindle and it wont let me type properly.

Background..

As promised here is my background... It all started about 9 months ago. I will not go into all the gory details but basically I developed an agonising pain in my lower abdomen that to this day is still present and I do not have a diagnosis yet. The pain has gradually become worse over time and it is now so bad that I have been off work since September and also taking a high daily dose of morphine.. I must have tried every pain killer going! Just so you appreciate how bad the pain is, let me tell you that I wouldn't be off sick from work unless I really needed to be. I'm a fully qualified Dental Nurse and I worked very hard to get to where I am today. I love my job and I miss not working at the moment.

At first my GP thought that my pain and other symptoms were a gynaecological problem and I was referred to a specialist. He wasn't very helpful and at one point had me in tears. I eventually had a Laproscopy carried out, after having appts cancelled, turning up for surgery to be told I had a UTI so couldn't have it done and finally being admitted into hospital. They found no gynaecological cause for my pain.

Let me just tell you, whilst I was admitted into hospital, just days before my Laproscopy, I started having urine trouble, I couldn't pass urine properly, the flow was very weak and I could only produce a dribble each time I went. After the lap, the gynae specialist stated they had found my bowel was distended and slightly twisted and he recommended that I was referred to the bowel specialist and also urology.

I was discharged from hospital and suffered greatly with post op pain as well as the normal pain! A few days later I was seen by my GP and referred to bowel specialist due to the findings of the lap. It was decided that we would wait and see if my wee problems cleared up as despite having numerous painful UTI's throughout, the GP didn't think my symptoms were urological.

So... I saw the bowel specialist and it was recommended I had an ultrasound of my urinary tract and also a colonoscopy... Nothing was found from the ultrasound so we proceeded with the colonoscopy. During this procedure, they found four growths which they removed at the time as well as taking random biopsies. I still have no results from this so I'm guessing ... No news is good news.

To add complications, whilst I was waiting for my colonoscopy appt I developed a serious UTI. This time it stopped me weeing completely and I ended up in A&E. I developed agonising pain in both sides of my back, as well as being unable to pass Urine and a very uncomfortable bladder which made my lower abdo pain worse!!! I was given a course of antibiotics and sent home, the A&E doctor promised I'd be able to pass urine within 24 hours.

This did not happen fully and three days later I was back at the GPs. They tested a dribble of urine that I could now provide and I still had a UTI, blood in my urine and protein present. By this time, I also felt dreadful in myself, very sick, very dizzy and going hot/cold all the time. I was given a different type of antibiotics and once again sent home. To this day, I still cannot pass urine properly and my back is very painful still. My lower abdo pain has worsened once again and I constantly feel sick/dizzy. I have had 4 courses of antibiotics for this UTI and the symptoms are still present. I have now been urgently referred to urology!!!

Throughout, the hospital have been absolutely rubbish and I have been waiting months for appts. They were going to carry out a cystoscopy whilst I had my Laproscopy but the consultant decided against it.... If only he had, I might have been sorted by now!!!

Because my symptoms still haven't eased, I had my blood taken yesterday and provided them with a urine sample. I am now waiting for the results.

Every day is a constant battle and I spend most of my days in bed. I cannot stand on my feet for very long as it makes my lower abdo pain worse. I am on a lot of medication for the pain, including morphine, without it I would be writhing around on the floor screaming. I am still unable to pass anything but a dribble of urine and the pain in my back is still present. I battle with sickness and dizziness each day and take anti sickness medication for this.

I do try my best to have a laugh each day and I have lots planned for once I have made a recovery. My family have been wonderful and I don't know what I would do without them!!! I hope that I will be sorted in the next 2 months and be back at work, living my life to the full!!!!!

This photo shows me during one of my A&E visits (looking very rough) ....

First post for my new blog..

I have been meaning to set up a blog for ages and I have never got round to doing it. I thought it would help me during the tough time I am having at the moment with illness. It will be... somewhere to off load everything clogging my head, somewhere to share my laughs, share my tears and share my opinions. Even if nobody ends up reading it, I will still achieve something in documenting my thoughts, sometimes thoughts which I wouldn't say aloud. In my next post I will start with my background story and from then on I will attempt to blog every couple of days with new developments, feelings and hopefully share some humour. I intend to include pictures throughout, mainly for my entertainment :-) I hope you will learn through reading my blog that I like to find a laugh within most things... Even if it is at my own expense. Life is only short and should be lived to the maximum everyday!!!!

The photo shows my cat, Poppy! She had been with me the majority of my life and I love her to pieces :-)